Gonzales 'Ohana: My empty nest...

...well, sort of. It feels empty like an "empty nest" to ME. I know most people refer to "The Empty Nest" syndrome when all their kids are grown and have left home for GOOD. That is certainly not the case for me. All my kids still live at home, but today was the first day in 17 years that I had ALL my kids in school for full school days and no one home with me. Just me and the dog. (((Sigh))) It was a momentous and yes, sad day for me.

For the past 17 years, even when the older ones started school, I had 1, 2, or sometimes 3 little ones home with me all day, yearning for my attention, depending on me for their every need. They went EVERYWHERE with me. We played games, we went on walks, we went to the park, we went to the grocery store, we napped, we read. Those were fun times. Sure, some days were tough, but all in all it was a great time in my life. I had a great purpose for being home every day while Kamalu went off to work. I took care of the kids and LOVED it. Being a stay-at-home was (and still is) the BEST.

But today, my world as a stay-at-home Mom changed for forever. I am now a stay-at-home Mom for an "empty nest" for a portion of the day. And it feels DIFFERENT. As I watched Maile walk into school with her new class, she turned around and gave me one last smile and wave. I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. "There goes my last baby. They're all gone now", I thought. It makes me cry as I write this. The house will be cleaner and quieter during the days, but I truly miss my kids when they are at school. I think about them all day wondering if they are having a good day, if the other kids are being nice to them, and if they miss me as much as I miss them. I guess today was the confirmation that they are all indeed growing up and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And that was hard to swallow.

You probably think I'm being ridiculous...especially when I tell you that I really only have an empty nest for 3 and 1/2 hours every day because the elementary kids don't leave until 8:45a.m. and the senior gets home at 12:15p.m. I know...silly me. But, my kiddos are all growing up way, way too fast and I guess a part of me just misses them being "little". And in all honesty, I guess I just feel like I'm not really "needed" by my kids anymore like I was when they were little. That part of my job (though just a tiny part of the 24-7 job of being a mom) has been eliminated and I guess I feel a bit lost.

But, I quickly remind myself that I now have a Senior in High School all the way down to a First Grader. Whew! And that equates to a lot of homework to check, papers to sign, projects to help with, and endless carpools. But I wouldn't change this job for the world. My day started this morning at 4:20a.m. getting up the two high-schoolers who start at 5:10a.m. I made all 5 lunches and sent the two of them off. I got some shut-eye on the couch for a bit until the middle schooler headed out at 7:20a.m. And then, I rounded up the elementary kids to get out the door by 8:40a.m. The crazy mornings have begun again. Goodbye summer...goodbye sleeping in. And then, kids start coming home at 12:15p.m., 1:30p.m., 2:30p.m., and 3:30p.m. So, it's still a full day for me, so to speak, except that I don't have another job to go to. I admire all you moms who work full-time and still do all the "Mom stuff". I don't know how you do it.

I've thought about getting a part-time job...just to help out financially a bit during this tough economic time. I feel like maybe it's time I get out there and make a little bit of money being that the kids are all gone at school and there is no one here that "needs" me for at least a few hours a day. (It's just me and the dog and the only thing he needs is an ocassional belly rub.) But, call me selfish (or unrealistic) because I still want to be home when my kids leave in the morning and home when they get back. I want to be the last one to say "Bye, have a nice day at school" and the first one to say "Hi. How was your day at school?". Trying to find a part time job to accommodate that will not be easy, if even possible. If I CAN continue to be a full-time stay-at-home Mom, I CERTAINLY would choose that over any other job out there. But, I have no idea what the future holds and if I will choose to or be forced to go back to work. So for now, this very moment, I'm taking it day by day and enjoying being home with my kids. I have had the greatest job in the world for the last 17 years and I am definitely not ready to "retire". I've been blessed to be a stay-at-home Mom for so, so long. It has been more rewarding than I ever imagined it would be. :)

Here's our "first day of school" pics:

Chelsey...the Senior